03-12-2013, 11:04 PM
When warm air rises it distorts the atmosphere; mirages always shimmer; as any photographer or sniper will tell you.
Apart from that, I'm not too happy with the farting moon, how else does it blow itself from its own lips? Perhaps a reordering of the words or logic, the rest of the poem is fine, but maybe "of forgotten dreams in beauty spent" in order to rid the line of 2 iterations of of.
Apart from that, I'm not too happy with the farting moon, how else does it blow itself from its own lips? Perhaps a reordering of the words or logic, the rest of the poem is fine, but maybe "of forgotten dreams in beauty spent" in order to rid the line of 2 iterations of of.