Louching

[Todd]

Hi, here are some comments for you:

Great title. So, if this is meant as a metaphor, I guess it would be a means of obscuring the bitterness in a relationship or an encounter. Either way, the title is a great set up.

Louching

I pour you neat.--love the opening line but wouldn't louching imply that it wouldn't be served neat. I could be off I guess
Your face gushes
And gushes
Then falls flush.

Your eyes bat
Sparkling like emerald city--I wonder if bat and sparkle give you much. I'd be tempted to cut bat and pull sparkle up (changing the tense. Would it be the emerald city?
And just as bottomless at the core;--I'd be tempted to cut at the core. It just seems stronger ending with bottomless here
They pull me
Deep.

And as I wallow,
I bleed.
And your gaze turns to haze
Like a frost kissed pane.--not concerned about how you work the breaks here but I think the internal rhyme is getting in the way of the punch that you want to have here. I would suggest simplifying "And your gaze is light a frost kissed pane" Very nice image by the way

And with this muteness
I have my way
With you.

You sink in me--in or into?
Revealing:
Tenderness
Honesty
Truth…--these lines after the sink one feel like a list. I'd consider cutting them. The imagery and interesting language works. This doesn't have the impact

With time
You’ll die.
And high tales of you
will taunt my spirit
Where you’ll linger.--maybe simplify: will linger in my spirit

& Then nothing will ever be as real.
Not even your spring-hued eyes.--love spring-hued. lovely phrasing

Enjoyed the read. I hope the comments help some.

Best,

Todd