03-12-2013, 01:22 AM
it seems others have left some good comments. the cliches could be changed for original phrases, at present almost everything is a cliche. most of the poem says very little. cut those parts out and write something that talks to the reader.
go through it line by line.
my heart is mosaic
splintering enamel tears.
this is just to give you an idea. not good i know but use your imagination and create an image to show what you mean.
go through it line by line.
my heart is mosaic
splintering enamel tears.
this is just to give you an idea. not good i know but use your imagination and create an image to show what you mean.
(03-07-2013, 11:56 PM)_nothinglastsforeverbutlove_ Wrote: This heart of mine was once whole
Now it is broken to little pieces
I tried the best I could to hold us together
But my best was not good enough
And I'm sorry I failed you
I'm sorry that I want good enough for your heart
I apologize for the stuff I cannot change
And what I cannot control
You are the love of my life
But I shall be in eternal darkness forevermore
It is not your fault it is mine for believing
For believing that id ever be good enough
For one so special and beautiful
I guess it was too much to hope for
It was a dream I never wanted to wake up from
But I am awake now and feeling
The pains of forever promised
Go into the wind
My dreams hopes love and heart have gone with the wind