The Bone

[tjs2465]

Hi, there was a nice story progression going on in here and there was a good opening sense of rythem to the read, but I would have liked some more images or extensions of the plain descriptions. I felt it was a bit lacking in creativity and i would have liked something a bit more than the ordinary statements used.
So the juicy steak could be described as: A steak on a plate, matchless
dripping with sweet suculent promise,
perfection bleeding to bliss.
The dog sat all agog, in meeknees
he watched, savoring each heavenly,
coloured scent with growing certainty.

All right that was perhaps rubbish...but sort of gives an example of what i'm meaning.

As an off the cuff idea that has come to me - Perhaps you could have written this from the prespective of the dog for a really different angle. A narative of dog's thoughts about the gluttony of the owner, the way it smells to a dog, the dog trying to will the steak to fall off the plate.
Just a wild idea - perhaps a new poem to be written another day!
I liked the contrast between the dog's value on the bare bone and the easy come / go aspect of just one meal to the owner.

As ever these are just my thoughts and ideas. Please only take what is helpful from any crit given
AJ.

Thanks so much for the critique. I really like the idea of adding more detail and telling the story more from the dogs perspective. Thanks so much.