Solitude

[Todd]

I feel like I'm taking the Fantastic Voyage into the brain. We have nuerons represented by multiple suns rising and setting. The fun part is that the imagery makes you want to look outward when it is really meant to be looking inward. I like the feint. I liked every line. The poem is put together very well. I had one, possibly odd, edit that came to me. It might screw up what you're trying to do with the personalized worry and insomnia in S3. Here it is. What if you pulled out the following lines leaving the rest of the poem intact and then reinserted them in a fourth strophe like this:

It is shallow here beneath the pull of temporal binding
where suns rise and set between one another

Pebble thoughts glance across reflected shadows

No good can come of words
that are not whispered

and flesh melts against bone
to drown in sediment and silence
against your pillow

Possibly too odd like I said. Love the poem.

Thanks,

Todd