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You need not speak, my old scottish mother: just lay quiet and still.
Let the duck-down night caress you, let the black-breath breezes chill.
Death, a dream of silent transit, an ice-ringed moon in sighing sky,
is yours to grasp when you are ready; only you choose when to die.
You need not speak, my old scottish mother. Just lay quiet and still.
Original
You need not speak, my old scottish mother: just lay quiet and still.
Let the duck-down night caress you, let the black-breath breezes chill.
Death, a dream of silent transit, an ice-ringed moon in sighing sky,
is yours to grasp when you are ready, only you choose when to die.
You need not speak, my old scottish mother. Just lay quiet and still.
Feb.26th.
2013
tectak
Thanks leanne. It was a good day.....a celebration of life.
I know I get a bit up my arse over punctuation but this little piece shows be how vital the pauses and halts can be....thank you, then, for the thoughts and semi-colon.
I am still a little unsure about whether to let the black-breath breezes of the longest nigh chill, or not. I sleep with an open window in mid-winter...wonder where I got that from?
Best,
tectak
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You'll never hear me complaining about your punctuation obsession. Dots and squiggles can make all the difference. For example, the difference between a colon in the first line and a full stop in the last is immense. Perhaps only we anal folk can appreciate it though 
It could be worse
I pretty much bend punctuation to fit my needs. I make up rules for certain marks, and I stick to the patterns. So I just figure you know what you're doing with your marks, and I can't complain.
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I like this a lot. Because of the alliterations and the metaphors.
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(02-28-2013, 05:06 AM)Leanne Wrote: You'll never hear me complaining about your punctuation obsession. Dots and squiggles can make all the difference. For example, the difference between a colon in the first line and a full stop in the last is immense. Perhaps only we anal folk can appreciate it though
Well spotted! Yes, the first and last line difference was very deliberate. I read it over and over again. Anal.
Best,
tectak
(02-28-2013, 05:06 PM)serge gurkski Wrote: I like this a lot. Because of the alliterations and the metaphors.
Thanks serge,
Where are you?
Best,
tectak
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(02-28-2013, 05:24 AM)rowens Wrote: I pretty much bend punctuation to fit my needs. I make up rules for certain marks, and I stick to the patterns. So I just figure you know what you're doing with your marks, and I can't complain. Hi rowens.
Bending punctuation to "fit your needs" is what everyone does with the little marks. If it comes out wrong, its your "needs" that are peculiar 
Best,
tectak
As long as my needs aren't illegal. Or no one that catches me in the act knows where to find me later.
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(and that she was scottish)
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I really like this. You know, I did have one issue, but it turns out i misread the line 'let the duck-down night caress you' as 'let the duck-down night dress you'...
anyhow, great piece of work, much enjoyed.
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(02-28-2013, 11:49 PM)shemthepenman Wrote: I really like this. You know, I did have one issue, but it turns out i misread the line 'let the duck-down night caress you' as 'let the duck-down night dress you'...
anyhow, great piece of work, much enjoyed.
Thanks shem.
I guess I could sell this with xxxxxxxx before mother. Stick in her nationality and bingo! a sensitive verse.
You've all been kind to me, sensitive to the raisond'etre......but it won't save you...not any of you...
Seriously, thanks.
Best,
tectak
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there is no 'kind' in serious, nor should there be, it should always be honest
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tecTom said as much as this in a self-revealing atittitude (i personally dig):
"but it won't save you...not any of you..."
translates as: Don't you dare to care
about me". ;-)
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Tom, if it helps, I've still called you lots of rude names :p
As billy said, there's no "nice" in serious, it's all about being honest and ensuring that poems do what they set out to do. This is a poem written for a specific purpose and, with a little punctuation shuffle, it fulfills that purpose perfectly. It would be just as good if your guinea pig had died.
It could be worse
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