02-08-2013, 03:52 AM
Hi,twoneight and welcome.
I must say this is not that good. It's a bit all over the place, as in some lines are fare too long, so you lose the rhythm. Try and cut things out to make these lines shorter. Here's an example of what could work:
There's something different about you rose
Your laugh I love, you're pretty and funny,
you don't compare to those other hoes.
Who knows, some day I may call you honey
I must say this is not that good. It's a bit all over the place, as in some lines are fare too long, so you lose the rhythm. Try and cut things out to make these lines shorter. Here's an example of what could work:
There's something different about you rose
Your laugh I love, you're pretty and funny,
you don't compare to those other hoes.
Who knows, some day I may call you honey
Quote:Theres something different about you Rose
You have the best laugh and are VERY pretty and funny
You don’t compare to those other hoes
I hope that in the NEAR future ill have the honor to call you “my honey”
And by near future I mean now, will you be my girlfriend?....
Just know that whatever you say
I will still think of you as a great friend
But in all seriousness… happy Valentines Day