02-04-2013, 10:00 AM
(02-04-2013, 08:37 AM)hamartia Wrote: Hello! Thanks for reading, and the advice! I see what you mean about the second stanza - I agree that that part is somewhat superfluous, I suppose if I had to justify it I'd say that the aim was to suggest a life in front of her, as opposed to just... I don't know, shape-shifting. Still, the longer I look at it the longer I want to change it, so thank you for pointing it outI had not seen Leanne had commented. She is one of the best. You can look upon these comments simply as grist to the mill. If, on consideration, they have some merit, change; if not, nothing lost. It is just our opinions, and we do not even have your accent and lilt to help us. Sometimes, comments seem valid, yet one can never quite identify the exact improvement. Nevertheless, somewhere, they feed into our next effort.
