02-04-2013, 08:21 AM
I cannot help myself from reading the first line as ''My favourite trees be will be forever those''
Those two opening lines are very mellifluous, with a good bit of alliteration. After that, the theme kicks in, and, I feel, the poetry in terms of sounds, rather fades.
In the second stanza, I feel you could consider cutting a bit out: ''at some point in my time'' e.g..Is anything lost by leaving those words out?
But I am a pretty rubbish critic, and think this is well tinkering with to make it better than it already is. Someone else will give a more helpful comment! Welcome!
Those two opening lines are very mellifluous, with a good bit of alliteration. After that, the theme kicks in, and, I feel, the poetry in terms of sounds, rather fades.
In the second stanza, I feel you could consider cutting a bit out: ''at some point in my time'' e.g..Is anything lost by leaving those words out?
But I am a pretty rubbish critic, and think this is well tinkering with to make it better than it already is. Someone else will give a more helpful comment! Welcome!