02-04-2013, 08:12 AM
And thanks for reading, and the pointers! I agree about the 'worry', that definitely needs a bit of a fiddle, and I'll do so shortly. 'Papery lobes' was sort of hamfisted attempt at a play on 'punched' earlier in the line, a hole punch type thing, but with hindsight yes, it is rather out of place. Plenty to think about, thank you!
ETA: Oh, also, I ought to ask - on revision, would I post the poem in the forums for stronger critiques, or continue in the novice one? I'm happy to take harsher feedback, perhaps prefer it in fact, but I don't want to be out of step with the way the site works. Certainly not so early on, at any rate!
ETA: Oh, also, I ought to ask - on revision, would I post the poem in the forums for stronger critiques, or continue in the novice one? I'm happy to take harsher feedback, perhaps prefer it in fact, but I don't want to be out of step with the way the site works. Certainly not so early on, at any rate!