02-02-2013, 04:37 AM
Then go start a discussion.
I don't like to be a part of anything. I like to be by myself. But I like to have one person, that's fine. But most people don't like to be alone; and most people don't like to be alone with only one person. They want to hang out with people I have no interest in, or go to parties where they don't like anybody, and then gossip about them to me later. I like to go out: to eat, to walk around town, whatever. I just don't like having dull conversations with people that I don't know or care to know. Most women are addicted to that for some strange reason. Men probably like it too, but I don't pay much attention to other men when I go out.
All these things I'm saying must have a lot to do with why I've been stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no friends coming around for almost a year. But mostly it's because they like to stay in the groups getting high. I don't like being high very much, it's boring. I like to get drunk, but that's different. And when I'm drunk in a room full of stoned hipster assholes, bad things have happened. So I don't get invited to many parties.
But I'm still interested in your discussion, or anything you what to say in the discussion section. So go do it.
If this fits the topic of your discussion, it can be moved there.
To answer the actual question you asked me: I find no distinction between insecurity and security, because I don't believe in security. I could drop dead before I finish this sentence. People say they have open minds, I don't need that distinction: The world is open, and my mind doesn't have a choice. I have the choice to live as though my mind does have a choice, and for the most part I do, but I just accept that anything can happen at any moment. And I'm fine with that. The worst thing that could happen to me is that I could be killed. I can live through anything, I've had things happen that made me want to die. But that didn't matter, I didn't die. No matter what anyone says or does about or to me, as long as I'm still alive, then that's that. I do believe that if nothing bad ever happened, and that if everything was peaceful and clear and perfect, I would rather be dead. But I'm not very important; I can fight losing battles my whole life, but I have to be really putting forth effort to succeed. If I do succeed, and I've helped someone in some way, that's good for them. And that's the point. The only things I want out of life are to travel, to write, and to be with someone I love. Love is essential, because if I'm not feeling love for some one, or some thing, or some idea, then I'm not motivated to do anything. Basically what I'm saying is: Being secure and comfortable are not aspects of my experienced reality. And if I was content enough that I started to feel the least bit of complacency, it would lead to suicidal thoughts that would motivate me to go out and do something drastic. But spiritual feelings come in, and those feelings see to it that whatever drastic thing I do is done from a moral standpoint. Though it's much easier to be a criminal than someone that wants to help. And that's my experience. I have a cussed streak. Even when I help people, they end up hating me. Once a man stole some expensive clothes from a woman. I went and took them from him and brought them back to her. He filed a complaint, and she testified against me. What happened was that she changed her mind after she told me that she'd been robbed. She decided she didn't want any more trouble from him. So her solution was to side with him. They let me off though. But that's just the kind of things I'm used to in my life.
I don't like to be a part of anything. I like to be by myself. But I like to have one person, that's fine. But most people don't like to be alone; and most people don't like to be alone with only one person. They want to hang out with people I have no interest in, or go to parties where they don't like anybody, and then gossip about them to me later. I like to go out: to eat, to walk around town, whatever. I just don't like having dull conversations with people that I don't know or care to know. Most women are addicted to that for some strange reason. Men probably like it too, but I don't pay much attention to other men when I go out.
All these things I'm saying must have a lot to do with why I've been stuck in the middle of nowhere, with no friends coming around for almost a year. But mostly it's because they like to stay in the groups getting high. I don't like being high very much, it's boring. I like to get drunk, but that's different. And when I'm drunk in a room full of stoned hipster assholes, bad things have happened. So I don't get invited to many parties.
But I'm still interested in your discussion, or anything you what to say in the discussion section. So go do it.
If this fits the topic of your discussion, it can be moved there.
To answer the actual question you asked me: I find no distinction between insecurity and security, because I don't believe in security. I could drop dead before I finish this sentence. People say they have open minds, I don't need that distinction: The world is open, and my mind doesn't have a choice. I have the choice to live as though my mind does have a choice, and for the most part I do, but I just accept that anything can happen at any moment. And I'm fine with that. The worst thing that could happen to me is that I could be killed. I can live through anything, I've had things happen that made me want to die. But that didn't matter, I didn't die. No matter what anyone says or does about or to me, as long as I'm still alive, then that's that. I do believe that if nothing bad ever happened, and that if everything was peaceful and clear and perfect, I would rather be dead. But I'm not very important; I can fight losing battles my whole life, but I have to be really putting forth effort to succeed. If I do succeed, and I've helped someone in some way, that's good for them. And that's the point. The only things I want out of life are to travel, to write, and to be with someone I love. Love is essential, because if I'm not feeling love for some one, or some thing, or some idea, then I'm not motivated to do anything. Basically what I'm saying is: Being secure and comfortable are not aspects of my experienced reality. And if I was content enough that I started to feel the least bit of complacency, it would lead to suicidal thoughts that would motivate me to go out and do something drastic. But spiritual feelings come in, and those feelings see to it that whatever drastic thing I do is done from a moral standpoint. Though it's much easier to be a criminal than someone that wants to help. And that's my experience. I have a cussed streak. Even when I help people, they end up hating me. Once a man stole some expensive clothes from a woman. I went and took them from him and brought them back to her. He filed a complaint, and she testified against me. What happened was that she changed her mind after she told me that she'd been robbed. She decided she didn't want any more trouble from him. So her solution was to side with him. They let me off though. But that's just the kind of things I'm used to in my life.