01-30-2013, 12:29 PM
Should it be "chuckling, staring, laughing"?
I like what you're trying to do here -- I think you might actually be able to pull off a full palindrome instead though (same lines in both directions), because you can end the poem on:
chuckling, staring, laughing
people sitting in a glass room
and it works, grammar-wise, so it would just be a matter of fiddling around with the middle lines. Wording like "judging the girl..." can be altered for meaning in the second half to "judging, the girl..." -- just an idea anyway
I like what you're trying to do here -- I think you might actually be able to pull off a full palindrome instead though (same lines in both directions), because you can end the poem on:
chuckling, staring, laughing
people sitting in a glass room
and it works, grammar-wise, so it would just be a matter of fiddling around with the middle lines. Wording like "judging the girl..." can be altered for meaning in the second half to "judging, the girl..." -- just an idea anyway
It could be worse