The Old Man

[Keith]

Edit 2
Drunk as skunks on bluebird bitter, Is "bluebird bitter" a real brand or just a colloquialism?
fifty years gone in a flicker,
english breakfast clears the head, "English" should be capitalised.
with cleaners poised to make the beds. Good line.

The old man calls down our names,
start ascent in Coniston's rain,
out of breath we pause to glance,
lakeland colours, a fine romance. The established rhyme scheme forced me to pronounce "romance" roe-MARNCE at first, which tripped me up.

Make the summit bold and breathless,
pockets full of left over breakfast,
snow drops in to freeze my knees,
sheltered in the kernels lea. Apostrophe before "s" in "kernels."

Swollen becks that ebb and flow,
crossing when the gushing slows,
calm behind the mountains might,
sorry sun brings welcome light. Good line. Simple and effective.

Down we plod through farm and field,
chit and chat keep spirits healed,
back for baths and evening naps,
tales of walks and friendly laughs.

Last night so what can you do?
village bound with the rest of the crew,
bellies full and fighting fitter,
drunk as skunks on bluebird bitter. Another simple and effective line.

A sweet, evocative poem with some jolly images. The meter doesn't quite flow, which makes the rhyming bumpy at times, but other than that this was a pleasant read.

Many thanks, will make some changes, Bluebird Bitter is real ale brewed in the lake district and named after the boat that broke the world speed record on Coniston water driven by Donald Campbell unfortunatley on his second attempt the boat flipped and he died.