The Old Man

[Keith]

My first go at critique on the forum, enjoyed your poem one close to my heart as a fellow walker and beer drinker , apologies if I get the idea of critique in this case wrong

Drunk as skunks on bluebird bitter, should the B's be capitals as it's the name of the beer[/b]
fifty years gone in a flicker,
english breakfast clears the head,
with cleaners poised to make the beds.

The old man calls down our names, same again should Old Man be in capitals as the name of the mountain
start ascent in Coniston's rain,
out of breath we pause to glance,
lakeland colours, a fine romance.

Make the summit bold and breathless,
pockets full of left over breakfast,
snow drops in to freeze my knees, I'd suggest "the" rather than my[/b]
sheltered in the kernels lea.

Swollen tarns that ebb and flow, should Tarns be becks, not sure Tarns ebb and flow
crossing when the gushing slows,
calm behind the mountains might,
sorry sun brings welcome light.

Down we plod on farm and field, maybe "through "rather than on
chit and chat keep spirits healed,
back for baths and evening naps,
tales of walks and friendly laughs.

Last night so what can you do?
village bound with the rest of the crew,
bellies full and fighting fitter, fighting fitter seems a bit contrived but I cannot see any other way to fit in with your last line unless you swop the lines around and have a last line ending in fitter
drunk as skunks on bluebird bitter.

Thanks Smiffy
Some good suggestions here, many thanks for taking the time to crit and feedback, much appreciated will have another edit thanks TOMH