The Wise Mumble

[Todd]

Hi doola, this would be a pretty fun spoken piece. As just writing, there are things I'd look to cut. Treating it as something you'd perform here are some notes:

Had A thought had to go with it

On guard for monsters
Life is a monstrosity
Strive for perfection
Still accept mediocrity
Speed limit posted
World of common velocity--nice phrase
Every soul alive
Is friends with hypocrisy

Sit at my desk, Think about life--first part seems filler that doesn't add much
"Lord cut it out!" I hold the knife
We all feel like no one gets it
Actions make me seem misfit--add an "a" before misfit
Not as in going against society
I don't fit, something of that variety
Different, what more can I say
Chances are, we feel the same way--maybe, ...we all feel that way
Don't be shy, I'm speaking to you
Or hide in shadows, I'm seeking for you

Try so hard, not to conform
Yet even hipsters have a norm
Same path, wonder where it leads?
Food for thought, wonder who it feeds?--nice use redeeming a cliche
Deficiencies whisper, they're always around
Lose one habit, another to be is found
Try to be righteous, who really notices?--just an aside, in my mind righteousness is all about not being noticed doing good--being noticed loses something--again just a philosophical aside...your poem is engaging me though
Who even knows what my motive is?
Perfect image of myself, about myself
Ill minds have the best mental health--like this thought
Out think the inner me, thoughts, questions
Takes me to doubt, then confessions

Pursuit of passions, makes jealous desires
This world sells hope, makes overzealous buyers--maybe eliminate the comma and makes replace with to
Adjust my perception, change my opinion
Reality I create, rebels against my dominion
I'm not insane, just a very scary visionary
Evil in life, Good in death,
Write me a contrary obituary

I'll sign off now, I made my peace
My mind got out it's cage--got out of its
Where did I put the leash?

That looks like a lot of comments but it's mostly slight typo/smoothing out sort of editing. I hope it's helpful.

Best,

Todd