01-13-2013, 04:13 PM
Welcome Byrnes!
"Just felt like writing down some thoughts..."----just a casual write? Love to see what you come up with when you try.
I think this is intriguing because it feels like there should be something more to it or that I'm missing something. Like it looks simple and reads simple, but it isn't simple. (if that makes sense)
I like this because I just don't know what to make of it so it makes me want to read it over and over.
My nit would be the last line, not just about the sudden rhyme (it seems that it was just unintentional, it just came out that way) but I think "The rain never stopped" would be a stronger ending because it would add to the rain about it not caring about smearing a life away. The last line now repeats the one before so it doesn't offer much to the poem.
"Just felt like writing down some thoughts..."----just a casual write? Love to see what you come up with when you try.
I think this is intriguing because it feels like there should be something more to it or that I'm missing something. Like it looks simple and reads simple, but it isn't simple. (if that makes sense)
I like this because I just don't know what to make of it so it makes me want to read it over and over.
My nit would be the last line, not just about the sudden rhyme (it seems that it was just unintentional, it just came out that way) but I think "The rain never stopped" would be a stronger ending because it would add to the rain about it not caring about smearing a life away. The last line now repeats the one before so it doesn't offer much to the poem.