01-11-2013, 05:52 AM
Damn, I really like this poem. I have studied it and with every reading it just gets better;
having said that, when I first read it, I did have one reservation. It was the use of the word "shit", of all things. I always cringe whenever I see casual swearing in a poem. It always feels to me like the teacher at school using teenage parlance in order to appear cool but having the opposite effect; contrived to tell you more about the author than inspiring any genuine emotion or thought. The exception to this is when swearing is used, as it is most effectively in real life, as an expression of emotion. Consider, Jim Morrison's "lament for the death of my cock" (which is pure, look at me I'm a poet, but don't forget I'm a rock star, too) in comparison with Andy Falkous "all of your friends are cunts!" (an expression of deep vitriol and anger).
I am sorry I cannot give more feedback but, I really do like it in its entirety [note: what i said about the swearing was only my initial reaction, your poem itself has made me re-evaluate my entire position].
having said that, when I first read it, I did have one reservation. It was the use of the word "shit", of all things. I always cringe whenever I see casual swearing in a poem. It always feels to me like the teacher at school using teenage parlance in order to appear cool but having the opposite effect; contrived to tell you more about the author than inspiring any genuine emotion or thought. The exception to this is when swearing is used, as it is most effectively in real life, as an expression of emotion. Consider, Jim Morrison's "lament for the death of my cock" (which is pure, look at me I'm a poet, but don't forget I'm a rock star, too) in comparison with Andy Falkous "all of your friends are cunts!" (an expression of deep vitriol and anger).
I am sorry I cannot give more feedback but, I really do like it in its entirety [note: what i said about the swearing was only my initial reaction, your poem itself has made me re-evaluate my entire position].