feedback

[billy]

Eyes fluttered open and peered around
A virgin girl
on virgin ground

Green earth below damp and warm
first conceived
existence was born

Palms pushed down, she got to her feet
a vague remembrance[/size]
in her memory too deep

first off destiny, give your poems a title, this one looks like it's called feedback

your 1st verse isn't too bad though it may have been better as four lines

Eyes fluttered open
and peered around
A virgin girl
on virgin ground

same with the others. if you can, try and get a rhythm going that's the same in each verse. take it a step at a time.
de/dum de/dum/ de/dum de/dum