the headache.

[Todd]

Hi newsclippings,

Let me give you some comments below:

light-arrows fall into my cornea,--I like light arrows as an idea it makes me think of an old 1950s radiation diagram with their curving colored arrows. Fall into though feels a bit wrong it seems passive for the image. It could be as simple a replacement as "pierce"
sear into my brain
feels the same--given that it's hard for me to believe the speaker remembers their own birth, maybe a minor lead in "I imagine it..."
as when it was pushed--should it be "it" or "I"
out of my mother’s vagina
and into a yellow room--very surprising simile for the pain. I wasn't expecting it. It's good

they say it’s calming
but I find nothing sincere about shit
in mold cracks and
ammonia stained tiles--no issues with any of this

i want to light a cigarette
but Jenkins told me it’s bad
he put pictures on his tele box
pictures of black lungs and--I think you could do without the repetition of pictures
tubed throats.--given that Jenkins died before the 1940s, wasn't the common wisdom that cigarettes were actually healthy or at least tasted good with no side effects. It makes me think that Jenkins should have told you one thing but over the years the pictures told you about the black lungs and the tubed throats. I like the words and ideas here just considering the source material

we all write when we’re weak--fantastic line. One of the best in the poem.
i write because i don’t get tired--again excellent use of misderection. You would think with weakness in the previous line it would be when you GET tired. Really love this entire strophe
because there’s nothing to talk about
when your head’s in the sink

---

You've got a raw, edgy voice in your work, and I enjoyed the poem. I hope the comments will be helpful to you.

Best,

Todd