Dear Nat

[Todd]

Hi Kenny, I like this love letter/poem. Here are some comments for you:

Dear Nat,

I almost crashed my car today
on the way back from the grocery store--I'm not sure what this line really adds. I think the above line gives you what you need for the transition to the next strophe. I'd be tempted to see you retitle this "Dear Nat, I almost crashed my car today" Since you have no salutation you might be able to simply drop the Dear Nat--though that isn't necessary just an option.

The moment between possible death
and the realization I was still alive
is what it’s like when
you bite my bottom lip--I very much like the transition from the car to the relationship here

When adrenaline pumped hot
energy into my bloodstream--is energy a visual enough word choice?
and my torso was crashing in on itself--nice image
I realized I want us
to be Paolo and Francesca--when you considered the way they died this is an excellent allusion
entwined like old trees--again another great image
that would fall if the other wasn’t there--While this is a nice thought I think it's a bit of a let down from the last line and I think you could cut it
we could be blown around in the company
of Guinevere and Lancelot
like a plastic bag forced to dance on the highway--forced feels a little grim, though that may be what you are going for.

You have always been good at metaphors--not sure you need this line
I asked why you are so reserved--is there a way you could use an image to demonstrate this idea of being reserved?
Remember what you said?
I do--again, could just be me but I'm not sure you need this
God should have thought twice
About the ribcage, you said--I don't think you need you said here
Bone covered by thin skin
It’s like an old covered wagon--maybe cut it's. Good image
and you don’t cross the west in a covered wagon--I don't think the repetition here helps you. You could cut everything after west
Without your china getting broken--nice and it works well with ribcage on the next line
That’s why I don’t trust my ribcage
I protect my china
wrap it in newspaper awareness--You're already in metaphor. I don't think awareness helps you here
and keep it behind the back of open hands

I want to hold you so hard
so close our ribcages
mesh together like two broken privacy fences
and our hearts can lay inside them
like two children in a tree house--I like everything up to this point. In this case I think you may want to move away from simile and kill the like
and only we know--I'd be tempted to end this line with "the password"
that the password to climb the ladder is
that our fingers don’t quite fit together--very nice
but we still hold hands
The way you rub my callouses
That I won’t let you take the trash out at night--this line feels awkward to me
and how you love to sleep
with your head tucked in the crest of my chin--this is a nice line

I forgot to get bread
but don’t worry babe
I'll pick some up tomorrow--I get that this is, I nearly died and didn't get bread. I don't find this conclusion though a good payoff. I'd rather see you find a different way to circle back to the beginning.

Well those are my initial thoughts and opinions. Hopefully some of that ramble will be helpful.

Best,

Todd