12-28-2012, 07:55 PM
I'm not 100% sure what the purpose of this piece is. I understand it's a quick jab at society, but I feel there should be more substance here. I think the second couplet could use some adjustment to make it flow a little better. I also think that in the third you should switch up the "hunting" and "hunters". The ducks could be shooting or something. I just want some more variation. Good luck with revisions!