because it will not be

[serge gurkski]

for June in Louisville, Kentucky

Does the dog still bark, when after midnight
Heat forces you to fling the window open?
I miss your laid-back voice in the humid dark.
How does the third layer of blue dry on the
Oil painting you once started painting for me?

I don’t have bad memories. I’m sad about the
Future, naïve daydream, that we’ll never share.
We’re both jaded enough for splitting up swiftly,
Have seen many sunsets of love sink down fast
Into picturesque silhouettes of garbage cans.

And still I feel I should have yelled at you just once
To procrastinate my lingering heart attack. But
You’d been too distracted anyway.

So, come out my heart, let’s walk along
The lonesome woods and breathe some sexless air!
Let us sink down on a rotten stump and watch another
Bloody sunset, because this time it isn’t meant for us.

[Hurst]

Stanza 1:
Line 1 & 2- The imagery you've created is great, and you've set the seen well, but I'm not sure why you've posed it as a question. Why connect the dog barking with the window?
Line 4 & 5- I like the seeming randomness of this question. To me, they're the sorts of question your mind flitters through when you cannot sleep because of the heat. This was nicely done in my opinion.

Stanza 2:
Line 1 & 2- Not sure about your use of enjambment here. Was there a reason you structure it like this other than for asthetics?
Line 4- Loved how you came back to this later on in the poem
Line 5- My favourite line of the poem. Do not change it. Ever.

Stanza 3-
Not a criticism, more of a question- why have you written three lines for the third stanza?
Line 2 & 3- Here, I loved the enjambment. It worked much better here so that the dig is clearer.

Stanza 4-
Line 1- I hated 'trot'. I understand you've got a sense of humour beneath your resentment from the rest of the poem. There's no need to laud it about.
Line 2- 'sexless air.' Great. Says a lot.
Line 4- as mentioned, I love how you linked this with the second stanza.
Why 5 lines though?

-Hurst

[serge gurkski]

Hi Hurst,
thank you for reading and commenting.

"Why connect the dog barking with the window?" Because there was a barking dog out whenever we phoned.
I dunno if you know the outskirts of Louisville?

as to her painting: She painted a picture in blue for me at that time.
You are right about "trot". i am thinking about a better word.

Three lines only in s 3: bc of the content.

cheers and thanks again
Serge

---

changed "trot" to "walk" (is good enough). Ty for pointing that out to me.
cheers
Serge