The Moon

[tectak]

Fiery-red, milky-white, and burnt-orange am I
Circular-fools, neurotic-halves, wise-courters, and sickle-slices shape me
Liquid-masses bow down to me
Extinguishing my counterpart by transforming light into night
Visibility befalls me as I absorb the Sustainer-Of-All's kisses
Ultimate-compass-of-guiding-light am I
Obtainer-of-measures and recorder-of-essence am I
Chaos enlivens all awestruck viewers while in my foolish-state
Shadows piece together my possession
A maternal-nurturer for, a bringer-of-fertility, and an enabler -of-harvest am I
Sharer am I, with the Daughters-Of-Firmament's-Darkness

Whatever the reason for writing poetry, and all is opinion, you must make sure that you feel comfortable with your chosen "style". When you are not....it shows. Once you embark on a whim (or on a prayer) you become your own destination. The poem may flourish or it may die with half its life before it. This is premature death and it has happened here. I do not feel comfortable that you are comfortable. Examples. " Extinguishing my counterpart by transforming light into night" Notwithstanding that obscuration rather than transformation is the modus operandi of an eclipse, the rest of the time, surely, night into light.
" Ultimate compass...." I do not think so. You would be wise to use the stars rather than a heavenly body whizzing across the sky!
"Liquid masses bow down to me...." No they do not. They rise up.
These three misplaced untruisms weaken the piece and make the reader mistrust the words. Once mistrust sets in the the only critics who will come to your defence are the those that know less than you........and you would not want that, would you?
Oh, I know that this criticism is probably far removed from the kind you were anticipating......you thought that syntax, rhythm, rhyme scheme, form etc. would be under scrutiny. Well, as you favour hyphenating into hyperventilating and you most certainly are over-adjectival, perhaps you should address these two areas first. Having the words is a starting point...they are the bricks. Unless you build with them and use syntax cement to stick'em together you just have a heap of bricks.
Best,
tectak

I am sorry if you choose to take offence at what is, after all, mature criticism. As you have not profiled your age it is difficult to know how able you are to appreciate criticism....I know age should not matter but I sometimes feel that posting by very young poets in serious crit can both brave and demoralising. If you are early teens or younger I apologise for the distress......if you are twenty-one or over I apologise for thinking you may be early teens or under. Crit is only possible and/or acceptable if it can be sent and received using an understood protocol. I do not understand what you want from me and so I will not crit any of your work until advised, by you, and then I still may not if I cannot think of anything nice to say.
Best,
tectak