This Winter (2nd edit)

[billy]

Hi uncle.
is 'but needed in the first line? i like the descriptions in L3 and 4. the image is a good example of what poets should aiming for, often poets say stuff like; the clouds move across a grey sky...as it gets foggy.
i think l8 could be written in such a way as to lose all but one of the nots. i's suggest; Not a break, a star, or edge to see. i do like the edge to see part of that line, very descriptive. i don't think the ellipses work in the middle of a sentence. but i really like the poem. it has a solitude about it. i also like how you make the poem aloneness which is often depicted through winter.

thanks for the read. great effort. worthy of being in one of the other forums

This winter is but a moving cloud
On the gray palette before me.
The leaning fog reaches upward
To meet a lowering shroud.
The days are hidden and diffuse.
The nights – curtained in haze are lifeless.
Nothing distinct, nothing of detail,
Not a break, not a star, not an edge to see.
I am here, in the cleft of this rock.
Alone on my watch… in my hour.
Waiting for something eternal.