12-21-2012, 12:36 PM
I can feel the hate then in the last few lines wanting to be wanted. I read your explanation and it made more sense. I caught the fire and wanting to be loved, that he lied somehow and that the one lied to was the narrator who got injured during the fire. What I didn't catch was the cheating until I read your comment, which explained the first lie.
I like that it has subtle hints of a story unfolding with just images without giving away too much by telling the story, because I think with this, too much detail wouldnt work it would just take away or bury this somehow.
It isnt necessary to change it all up (which I don't know if that's what you were planning to do or not) in my opinion all it needs is showing the cheating (which would give away that there was a relationship and why there was a fire) using the same style you have already created with the flashes of images. Hopefully this helps.
I like that it has subtle hints of a story unfolding with just images without giving away too much by telling the story, because I think with this, too much detail wouldnt work it would just take away or bury this somehow.
It isnt necessary to change it all up (which I don't know if that's what you were planning to do or not) in my opinion all it needs is showing the cheating (which would give away that there was a relationship and why there was a fire) using the same style you have already created with the flashes of images. Hopefully this helps.