12-10-2012, 06:09 PM
hi starlight, if i were your partner and you'd written this for me i'd love it. but...i'm not and you didn't 
on that basis i have to say that the poem is almost an extended cliche, it means that most of the line or phrases are very common in poetry. you could get away with the first two lines but you'd have to give good original reasons why. i'd suggest trying to edit a few lines at a time, 5 or 6. as you progress you'll see what it feels like to see and write something no one else has seen or written.
great to have you on board
thanks for the read.
on that basis i have to say that the poem is almost an extended cliche, it means that most of the line or phrases are very common in poetry. you could get away with the first two lines but you'd have to give good original reasons why. i'd suggest trying to edit a few lines at a time, 5 or 6. as you progress you'll see what it feels like to see and write something no one else has seen or written.
great to have you on board
thanks for the read.