12-10-2012, 04:40 AM
Hi Todd thanks for this. I'm glad you mentioned the "to in the third line of the 2nd stanza, I knew it was off but couldn't put my finger on what. I like the suggestion here.
2nd edit.
I’m gleaning in the orchards.
The birds have pecked
and hollowed out,
the apple of my sty.
The sky above is empty,
devoid of blessings, free
of doves. Branched and bare.
I’m garnering.
Green glass, frozen shards,
With blades sharp to pierce
and prick my tender parts.
A careless contract,
I’m torn apart. A wounded
hart, bare rooted. *
I’m gathering back, clinging
lichen, a sign, a healthy disposition.
Fieldfares flit and flirt. Beneath
the budding trees, a fruitful flow
that with the sun will rise
and grow. Bearing seeping sap.
* Wanted to keep the bare rooted. Is a deliberate follow through on orcharding. Is a term of preperation for new wood / trees in storage before it is ready for planting out. ( i know that it moves into unacessable symbolism perhaps....but it's only two words ! and i like the imagery of new growth / potential )
Thanks for your help.
2nd edit.
I’m gleaning in the orchards.
The birds have pecked
and hollowed out,
the apple of my sty.
The sky above is empty,
devoid of blessings, free
of doves. Branched and bare.
I’m garnering.
Green glass, frozen shards,
With blades sharp to pierce
and prick my tender parts.
A careless contract,
I’m torn apart. A wounded
hart, bare rooted. *
I’m gathering back, clinging
lichen, a sign, a healthy disposition.
Fieldfares flit and flirt. Beneath
the budding trees, a fruitful flow
that with the sun will rise
and grow. Bearing seeping sap.
* Wanted to keep the bare rooted. Is a deliberate follow through on orcharding. Is a term of preperation for new wood / trees in storage before it is ready for planting out. ( i know that it moves into unacessable symbolism perhaps....but it's only two words ! and i like the imagery of new growth / potential )
Thanks for your help.