In Kahoutek’s Dreams

[pound526]

A perfect fit,
The Route 66
Whizzing by my eyes
& the Route 66
In my dreams!
A perfect fit.
It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s
Ether I was in,
It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s steam!
For instead of Kahoutek’s
Trail in the east
It was Kali’s eyes
In the pre-dawn
Splendor
Lighting up my senses
With their glare!

[billy]

and usually looks better than &
i'm struggling with the connection to the connection of the comet and route 66. i don't think you need the in front of route 66 as it's iconic enough not to need it. at first i thought it was a villanelle. i see the connection of the tail from Kahoutek’s comet and kali's glare and the piece has an eastern feel to it, but i'd like some better transitional lines to explain where the images come from. the last 7 lines work really well, it's the preceding lines that feel slightly off balance.
sorry for the general feedback.

thanks for the read.

A perfect fit,
The Route 66
Whizzing by my eyes
& the Route 66
In my dreams!
A perfect fit.
It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s
Ether I was in,
It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s steam!
For instead of Kahoutek’s
Trail in the east
It was Kali’s eyes
In the pre-dawn
Splendor
Lighting up my senses
With their glare!

[cidermaid]

Hi,
I semi disagree with Billy in that I sort of got the link ....Route 66 seen from space would, if the trajectory was continued, make a elliptical orbit shape...like a comet?. (This was the image that came to me. Hubby has always wanted to ride this on a bike so he would like the image of a blaze across the continent).
I then agree with Billy's other comments I’m afraid. The mid section needs some work.

It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s
Ether I was in,
It truly seemed
Like Brahman’s steam!

My thoughts were that the repetition felt unnecessary and perhaps it could be covered in just one line by combining the steam onto the same line as ether. (and would tighten up the rhyme with seemed).

Your poem is well worth some extra work and thought as I liked the subject idea. The last line image of the sunrise blinding you on the f
ar horizon of the road was great.

[monablackbird]

While I agree that Route 66 is iconic enough to remove "the" I think it makes sense to leave it because you're referring to two different Route 66s - the one in reality and the one in a dream. When you say Brahman's are you talking about the god Brahma or a Brahman priest? Maybe there's some way to make this more clear for the reader. Or maybe I'm wrong and the right name of the god is Brahman and not Brahma. Love the reference to Kali - especially in connection with Brahma - since it gives the whole thing a very distinct voice and vibe that I like.

Sorry for the brevity. I'm getting used to this whole feedback thing after a long hiatus from poetry. All in all, I like this poem quite a bit and think it has a lot of potential.