A frosty walk.

[Todd]

Hi cidermaid,

I like where you're going with this. Addressing this edit below:

Thanks for the feedback TA really want to work on this and the other recent post ...thanks to your example feeling inspired to crack on with trying to work with my poetry instead of hiding it away.
Partially pissed this arvo...son's 25th bday lets see what red wine does for my writing skills.

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1st edit

I’m gleaning in the orchards.
A gain, un-stored. The birds--since you asked I don't think you need the comma. That said, I'd consider cutting the phrase entirely and make the line "The birds have pecked" it's more evocative and I don't think you need the lead up
have pecked and hollowed out,--love the hollowed out and the line break.
the apple of my sty.
The sky above is empty,--love these last two lines. I also like how above plays with the sound of doves
devoid of blessings, free--great line break
of doves. Branched and bare.--love the phrasing and alliteration

I’m garnering.
Green glass, frozen shards,
With blades sharp, pierce--I keep wanting a to after sharp in place of the comma
and prick my tender parts.
A careless contract,
I’m torn apart. A wounded
heart, bare rooted.--the sonics are nice though I'm not sure i like a wounded heart, a bit cliche, and the repetition of bare.

I’m gathering back, clinging--good break. It gives clinging a secondary meaning.
lichen, a sign, a healthy disposition.
Fieldfares flit and flirt. Beneath
the trees flow fruitful thoughts,--this might be too many f sounds getting in the way of the wrap up. Read it out loud and see what you think.
that with the sun will rise
and grow. Bearing seeping sap.

Again, like the direction you're going.

Best,

Todd