12-10-2012, 01:27 AM
Thanks for the feedback TA really want to work on this and the other recent post ...thanks to your example feeling inspired to crack on with trying to work with my poetry instead of hiding it away.
Partially pissed this arvo...son's 25th bday
lets see what red wine does for my writing skills.
1st edit
I’m gleaning in the orchards.
A gain, un-stored. The birds - Do I need I need the comma after gain?
have pecked and hollowed out,
the apple of my sty.
The sky above is empty,
devoid of blessings, free
of doves. Branched and bare.
I’m garnering.
Green glass, frozen shards,
With blades sharp, pierce
and prick my tender parts.
A careless contract,
I’m torn apart. A wounded
heart, bare rooted.
I’m gathering back, clinging
lichen, a sign, a healthy disposition.
Fieldfares flit and flirt. Beneath
the trees flow fruitful thoughts,
that with the sun will rise
and grow. Bearing seeping sap.
Think i've screwed up the final stanza ...out of red wine send supplies urgently!
Partially pissed this arvo...son's 25th bday
lets see what red wine does for my writing skills.1st edit
I’m gleaning in the orchards.
A gain, un-stored. The birds - Do I need I need the comma after gain?
have pecked and hollowed out,
the apple of my sty.
The sky above is empty,
devoid of blessings, free
of doves. Branched and bare.
I’m garnering.
Green glass, frozen shards,
With blades sharp, pierce
and prick my tender parts.
A careless contract,
I’m torn apart. A wounded
heart, bare rooted.
I’m gathering back, clinging
lichen, a sign, a healthy disposition.
Fieldfares flit and flirt. Beneath
the trees flow fruitful thoughts,
that with the sun will rise
and grow. Bearing seeping sap.
Think i've screwed up the final stanza ...out of red wine send supplies urgently!