12-08-2012, 01:45 PM
Cheers for the feedback Twisted Angel, Its really helpful to be told!
To be honest this poem is not about me (saying it was was a bit of a lie really) and more a statement about the battle of life in general. Which is probably the cause of the lack of a personal touch and any kind of meaningful impact.
When I find a compelling story to tell, rather than the abstract ideas that are my usual feed, maybe I'll be more of a poet!
I'm usually obnoxiously optimistic so writing about bitterness and dispair isn't particularly natural. This poem is me really trying to branch into unfamiliar territory (clearly quite unsuccessfully, no worries). Maybe when I suffer some more I'll have something interesting to say in this vein
I would usually try to edit a poem to improve it, but I think I'll bin this one for now!
To be honest this poem is not about me (saying it was was a bit of a lie really) and more a statement about the battle of life in general. Which is probably the cause of the lack of a personal touch and any kind of meaningful impact.
When I find a compelling story to tell, rather than the abstract ideas that are my usual feed, maybe I'll be more of a poet!
I'm usually obnoxiously optimistic so writing about bitterness and dispair isn't particularly natural. This poem is me really trying to branch into unfamiliar territory (clearly quite unsuccessfully, no worries). Maybe when I suffer some more I'll have something interesting to say in this vein
I would usually try to edit a poem to improve it, but I think I'll bin this one for now!
If something happens and you can remedy it, Why worry?
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz
And if something happens that you can't remedy, Still why worry?
www.benjack.co.nz