I Almost Forgot

[Todd]

Hi Ash,

I think you have a good poem in here, but given the content I want a more halting quality to the read--which could just be me. I'm going to suggest some fairly radical paring down or shifting. It's possible that I'll cut something you feel is crucial, if that happens just consider it my take and put it back. Here goes:

First the title is I almost forgot and you end with I forgot. I can see how this could work, but it mostly seems to be a disconnect.

Its been awhile since I've posted anything new, so here it goes..


It's too early
It's so close.
Memory bothers
when life refuses
to appear today.

As dwelling seems
so little small when it
has exhausted all
it's sentiment
It's okay to worry,
to plead for this attention;
when feeling is at a slow pace
as the world expands.

In Every sentence-
mute. Desperate
to hold your hand,
to be allowed-envying
everything that misses you.

Keep your composure.
Inevitable, but he's worthy
for healing but grieving
as he you vanish and
take his your life with him you.

With a nearby grave
as a saving life, saved for him.
Death has a better memory of life,
As we push to outlive.
We forget before the end
and death seems the best remainder.

So Burying cannot be forgotten,
but memory seems lonely.

Unprepared for forever,
when I didn't feel the ending yet.
I didn't know life until you.
until the end-your end

expecting something more.
This is My only memory
with is My regret of not knowing
of you not knowing
my love
I forgot to say I love you.

So, a bit radical I know. I added a few minor things, but mostly just cut. Probably, too much but for me that's what stood out. I hope it's helpful. I did like the bones of the poem.

Best,

Todd