I Almost Forgot

[Philatone]

hello arbil!

i may be taking these lines a bit too literally; with that in mind...

It's too early...maybe some punctuation to end this line?
It's so close.
Memory bothers ...like this idea, the power given to memory
when life refuses..in some ways, i'm left wanting something more specific than "life". it would give me something to attach to; life doesn't have much meaning here
to appear today.

As dwelling seems ...for me, the line is awkward. Maybe the "As" would fit better as an "A"
so little when it
has exhausted all
it's sentiment....
"its" for "it's". again, the stanza leads up to this image which felt a bit flat to me. evoking something I can actually imagine would give me a stronger impact than just stating "sentiment"

It's okay to worry,
to plead for this attention;...the "this" I'm struggling to connect to anything. what attention? on another note, is the semicolon necessary?
when feeling is at a slow pace
as the world expands.

In every sentence-...the "In" didn't fit right to me; could the line start with "Every"?
mute. Desperate
to hold your hand,
to be allowed-envying
everything that misses you....like the idea of this line

Keep your composure.
Inevitable, but he's worthy
for healing but grieving..."for" or "of"? or even: "...but he's worth/ healing"
as he vanishes and
takes his life with him....a lot happens in this stanza. there are a number of missing subjects, which makes the actions unclear a bit for me. the repetition of "but" didn't do much for me.

With a nearby grave
as a saving life, saved for him.[b]...the idea of a grave saving a life or being compared to one is interesting, i'm not entirely convinced by it. "Saving" as in "marking/containing/ preserving"?
Death has a better memory of life,
As we push to out live...."outlive"?
We forget before the end
and death seems the best remainder.

So burying cannot be forgotten, ...need the "So"?
but memory seems lonely.

Unprepared for forever,
when I didn't feel the ending yet.
I didn't know life until you,
until the end-your end ....struck me as a bit too dramatic with the dash and repetition

expecting something more.
This is my only memory,
with regret of not knowing
I forgot to say I love you.... i may be wrong, but this strikes me more as a line that you just had to include. The structure is very different from what came before. I kind of liked how the poem stayed away from /I/ for such a long time; seeing it included in the last two stanzas took something away from the piece for me. I wish I had a stronger sense of place in the piece; I see graveyards and houses, but not very clearly. when dealing with life and death, it would be nice to be grounded. some good ideas overall, but i think the writing can still be a bit tighter ...