Dickens Bicentennial - A parting poem

[billy]

Hi bloggsworth.

good to see you posting. great start with the ville. i'm sure you never intended it but the title works perfectly (parting poem)(parting havisham) not a lot to comment on apart from saying it's a sturdy well written poem of the form. i like the adjustments in the refrains and the rhyme is effective. i'm not a dickens fan but this is enjoyable.

thanks for the read.

Revision:

Great Expectations

Slough off sour savoured virginity
discard false weeds of widowhood,
fairest Miss Havisham, come lie with me. i'm not sure, is it lay or lie, lie works on more than one level

I greet you with no sense of pity,
nor do I wish to be misunderstood
but, do slough off ill-favoured virginity

it’s time for you to live again and see
that to love once more could do you good
if, dear Miss Havisham, you lie with me.

Give your body to the moment, and be
easy in my fond embrace, then you should
unshackle long harboured virginity

and cast aside your misplaced misandry.
Feel now the flush of new lost maidenhood,
come now Miss Havisham, and lie with me.

Break the ice which traps your spirit - We
two may find love, if only you would
slough off sour savoured virginity
dearest Miss Havisham and lie with me.


Great Expectations

Slough off sour savoured virginity
discard false weeds of widowhood,
fairest Miss Havisham, come lie with me.

I greet you with no sense of pity,
nor do I wish to be misunderstood
but, do slough off ill-favoured virginity

it’s time for you to live again and see
that to love once more could do you good
if, dear Miss Havisham, you lie with me.

Give your body to the moment, and be
easy in my fond embrace, then you should
unshackle long harboured virginity

and cast aside your misplaced misandry.
Feel now the flush of new lost maidenhood,
beautiful Miss Havisham, lie with me.

Smash the ice which grips your soul and we
two may find love, if only you would
slough off sour savoured virginity
dearest Miss Havisham and lie with me.