11-24-2012, 09:58 PM
Could "like Vietnam" be replaced with "Vietnamese"? The simile doesn't hit my ear right, and it also evokes images of the Vietnam war, which I'm not sure are appropriate. Just a suggestion. I'm also not a big fan of the title "Taking Out Grandma" - it feels oddly cruel and snide - but maybe that's a trifling issue.
Otherwise this is an excellent and moving poem. I really like the contrast between the harsh, almost brutal realism of the first verse with the comparative gentleness and almost whimsical feel of the second. The rhymes took me by surprise each time and were a delight to behold, and the imagery was very sharp. All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read
Otherwise this is an excellent and moving poem. I really like the contrast between the harsh, almost brutal realism of the first verse with the comparative gentleness and almost whimsical feel of the second. The rhymes took me by surprise each time and were a delight to behold, and the imagery was very sharp. All critique is JMHO. Thanks for the read
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe