Sand between my toes

[Todd]

Hi TOMH,

Here are some comments for you:

Windbreak weathered by salt and sun,--love the alliteration...though if this is your first line you may be able to come up with a better title since you use the word in line one.
beaten by a pounding rock.--just an opinion but I'd like to see pounding replaced with a b, w, or s word to carry the alliteration forward.

Sand shaped by shell and tide,
re-worked by a tiny foot.--again with the alliteration, it's your sonic devices that are really making this work. Also love the assonance with the i sounds.

Creatures caught by line and net,
beached by a sloshing hand.

Bodies boarded by wetsuit and wave,
frozen by a juddering jaw.--the parallel construction with these last two couplets sounded good to read. I like the symmetry.

Seagulls shunned by flip-flop and book,
crazed by a Cornish crust.--while I like the visual shunning, this feels a bit structurally off to me. It could be flip-flop feeling too long,or losing the -ing verb. That said, I like the content. I'd be tempted to leave it alone and move both lines to the beginning of the next strophe. That might eliminate the problem, or the problem could just be in my head

Dizzy from dingy inflation.
Burnt from bare excavation.
Trekked from sand to castle.
Tumbled from surf to towel.
Raced from rock to pool.--I like all the content here most of all. The burned out sense of what fun is. This is such a true picture of the aftermath of a day out

Sun set supported by fish and chips,--sunset one word
greasy fingers and salty lips.--love the sensory details
Empty beach with snuggly fleece,
children yawn, storied to sleep.--storied is a great word
Mum and dad take some time,
watch the waves with bottle of wine.
Cooling sand shows remnants of fun,
windbreak flaps at the last of the sun.

It's a solid poem. I liked the read. I hope some of this was helpful.

Best,

Todd