11-21-2012, 01:42 PM
As a parent, I like the content you're attacking. In my mind you have a hard balance to achieve, I want the spelling that stays true to your dialect, but I need the non dialect words spelled right to pull it off (fairy for instance). Look the content of a parent fearing that their kid is going to feel cheated when they get older and the innocence of childhood slips away is powerful stuff. Even if you have money, the fear you'll screw everything up is always there.
The lines that stood out were the ones of the mother judged as bad but also taking the fault. I think there's deeper you can go here but you seem to get trapped in the rhyme. Just an opinion. I think you need to mine this deeper.
Best,
Todd
The lines that stood out were the ones of the mother judged as bad but also taking the fault. I think there's deeper you can go here but you seem to get trapped in the rhyme. Just an opinion. I think you need to mine this deeper.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson