11-18-2012, 08:50 AM
not sure if this is a critisism or me me own OCD showing but wouldnt the line
"You will see the birth of your daughter, and you will see the passing of your wife." be better as 2 instead of one ?..just keeps everything nice an neat is all
i really liked this write an found meself nodding along with it in agreement
it flows an rolls so easily except the word 'bureaucratized' i kinda fell over that..but then thats cool cos maybe were meant to
"You will see the birth of your daughter, and you will see the passing of your wife." be better as 2 instead of one ?..just keeps everything nice an neat is all
i really liked this write an found meself nodding along with it in agreement
it flows an rolls so easily except the word 'bureaucratized' i kinda fell over that..but then thats cool cos maybe were meant to