11-18-2012, 06:17 AM
Hi Thomas,
A couple comments for you:
You've got one of the best titles I've seen in awhile. The downside of that is that it sets a high bar for the poem. As it is now it has a twisted Dr Suess feel even a Horton moment with the elephant that remembers. I wonder if you went into the mind of the fish and went more first person point of view what this could be. It may not make it better, but I think it might.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
A couple comments for you:
You've got one of the best titles I've seen in awhile. The downside of that is that it sets a high bar for the poem. As it is now it has a twisted Dr Suess feel even a Horton moment with the elephant that remembers. I wonder if you went into the mind of the fish and went more first person point of view what this could be. It may not make it better, but I think it might.
Just some thoughts.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson