11-13-2012, 06:01 AM
Hello Philatone. Enjoyed it, the islands and bottles are a nice idea.
and eyes fall on ladders of steam.
Climbing into the bulbs
the full stop is almost perverse. To me it so obviously shouldn't be there that I have to wonder why it is.Should be after chandelier, perhaps.
I'd prefer some mystery at the end and rather than she heard the words maybe she wonders if they've fallen off the edge... summat like that.
and eyes fall on ladders of steam.
Climbing into the bulbs
the full stop is almost perverse. To me it so obviously shouldn't be there that I have to wonder why it is.Should be after chandelier, perhaps.
I'd prefer some mystery at the end and rather than she heard the words maybe she wonders if they've fallen off the edge... summat like that.
Before criticising a person, try walking a mile in their shoes. Then when you do criticise them, you're a mile away.....and you have their shoes.