11-12-2012, 02:55 AM
the subject matter makes sense, a simple observation with some unanswered questions. there are a few ideas that are crudely formulated to meet the rhyme and the forms of the lines. and 'steel' is used for 'steal' here, and 'feet' for 'feat', you can use a hyphen in 'sixty-seven', and 'you're tossed'. the main problem is how a line like "How come I saw homeless men steal some bread?" seems too forced, by the form, to fit well with the contextual flow of the subject matter. it makes sense, as the whole poem does, but in the context of reading the poem, it's felt as an arbitrary line-filler.