under a gibbous moon

[Todd]

Hi Aish,

I love this one. How can you not love even a simile of goblins?

like goblins
listening in darkness
we suck our breath and hum

with the flat thwacking--maybe a instead of the
as I strike your kneecaps
and hammer your ribcage marimba
with makeshift mallets

of wooden spoons--this stand alone line is good to transform this from assault to Goblin Midnight Jubilee. The opening to this point is a lot of fun, and I have no real nits

the rasping notes
unfurling like ebony petals--I played around with unfurl here but I think I like the way you have it better
in the witching hour
of a midnight garden

The way you convert the sounds into a type of music that then blooms in ebony petals is really beautiful writing. For me, this strophe is what elevates the piece from being just a fun write (which isn't bad in its own right).

Thanks,

Todd


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like goblins
listening in darkness
we suck our breath and hum
with the flat thwacking

as I strike your kneecaps
and hammer your ribcage marimba
with makeshift mallets
of wooden spoons

the rasping notes
unfurling like ebony petals
in the witching hour
of a midnight garden