why the repeat?
(11-04-2012, 10:13 AM)Aish Wrote: Hypnotic
like
the navel
of the sea great little stanza buy as a continuation of the title it loses something, would swapping this stanza with the next help this one better stand out?
your tongue
slips and skips, i like this, specially in relation to the above.
salmonswimming should it be salmon swimming, or was it intentional?
upstream
as it scribes
liquid aums i take this as a singular purpose in one of them reaching nirvana, and chanting like shit in order to concentrate, the image of a sperm, one hand clapping is indeed pleasing
in
the magnetized silk
of my vagina - great image, feeling, expectation
before you
crucify me
i see, you took the nailed out, for me the nailed is a solid image. that though a little cliche, worked well in this instance, if you just used nailed in it's own line, it would transition to the next and hold more than one meaning. (i think :blush) though of course it's just a suggestion
to undulant dissolution
galaxies
pouring
from my mouth. a solid image i'd like to discuss with you in a private pm
some good images, the last metaphorical image being my favourite.
thanks for the read
