11-04-2012, 09:22 AM
Real entertaining piece ("truckles of sluice"... LOL). You did well counterpointing the rise in bravado with the fall of coherence. I only have a few nits, one being the word choice of "potion" in stanza two, which doesn't seem to fit the language you used for the rest of the poem (unless "Potions" is a brand of something i don't know about 
).
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?