Existence

[billy]

hi hulk not sure intros for a poem help enough to use them, mainly they stop the reader exploring and finding out for themselves what the workings of a poem are. usually a poem should be able to stand on it's own, if we can't get it without an intro, maybe it lacks something

My first poem. As with all esoteric poetry, it's meaning is hidden and subjective. Written after 5 months of studying eastern thought, western philosophy, and a few direct experiences which hold deep value for me.
All feedback welcome.


Existence

Pure solace,
I surrender and become He.

Outwards is inwards,
Both are neither.

I am the mirror to my reflections,
Only when to breathe is to die,
Will my eyes be wide. i like this stanza and wonder if it would have made a better opening statement to the poem?

The source is alive within itself,
Not the contained,
Nor the container,
that which watches both. this line feels redundant due to the stanza's opening line.

Where fire and water find middle ground
Where to be full is to be empty,
Where the purest logic is nonsense, and
Where indifference pierces the heart of distinction.

The world so small,
It’s mountains, the toes,
The veil on the cage,
The mind sews. i can't get this to make sense

Summers brightest lights,
Winters heaviest snows,
Still, black nights, three solid cliche in a row, can it said in an original way, (summer's, winter's should have commas)
Nature;
the souls clothes

Return,
Brother.
For ours,
Is a house of forgiveness.

i thought the last stanza was extremely weak for a esoteric poem. i don't think it says enough or gives as strong a message as it could.