Tsunami

[just mercedes]

I'm a sullen girl show me, don't tell me
an angry sea at rest angry and at rest?
Calm before the storm angry and calm?
as the waves in me regress but you're at rest
Like a Tsunami
peaceful right before clumsy construction reaching for end line rhyme
Then a tidal wave of emotion cliche
crashes upon my shore
All out of strength these two lines need work
I'm sinking more and more
Drowning in my troubles cliche even if it's not 'sorrows'
They're not puddles anymore When were they puddles? You start with an angry sea

Hi umbleets - are you sure you want serious critique on your poems? I feel as though I've just hacked into you.

I like the idea of your poem, that emotions can well and overwhelm, and the extended metaphor of the ocean that you used to illustrate that.

It would be great to see you post a comment on someone else's work, too!