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[billy]

Hi umbleets

for the 1st third of the poem i was somewhere else with a down and out.
why was you reading his book? it didn't feel fresh because of the clichés that
ran through the poem. use some solid images,

no shoes on his feet
tired and famish.

did he have black bit's of stinky skin between his toes that shone with wetness?
were the whites of his eyes the yellow colour of of old ivory?

try and show us the story?

thanks for the read