10-09-2012, 09:41 PM
i do like a lot of the word choices 
. They lend the piece a nice spark. Unfortunately, i don't think the first line is a very strong opening. You'd have been better off starting with "Don't look at me for dance and dazzle// etc.", then maybe reworking the firefly line to make a final couplet with the last line. Just one suggestion. Thanks for the share
. They lend the piece a nice spark. Unfortunately, i don't think the first line is a very strong opening. You'd have been better off starting with "Don't look at me for dance and dazzle// etc.", then maybe reworking the firefly line to make a final couplet with the last line. Just one suggestion. Thanks for the share
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?