Useless

[Mr. Brown]

When the sun rises where does it go?
Inside my heart, rushes back its safehaven,
Like a scarred child to their wavering mother's breast.
Yet they would never know,
How darkness consumes my soul,
How could they know when I talk, think, and act as they do?
I remember the day everything all changed,
The time I spent alone, holding my sides.
There is no hiding in a house of a thousand boxes all compacting the same story.
Who would want me?
As we scream out, my voice is lost. Yet we all remain silent.
We continue to scream, knowing it's useless.
We, are useless.
We full well know we cannot pierce through the sticky yellow years of self-obsessed ignorance caked throughout their ears.
Walking Dead.
They are dead to us, and to them,
We are shorelines crashing voiceless. Silence.
As the darkness reaping my heart leaves me, and enters the night sky,
It surrounds me. And though I am surrounded,
By sadness and chaos,
Pain and anger,
The huge conflict inside,
I have become a creature of the night.
All this darkness,
Now being the only reality I call peace.

[billy]

When the sun rises where does it go?
Inside my heart, rushes back its safehaven, is there a 'to' missing after 'back'?
Like a scarred child to their wavering mother's breast.
Yet they would never know,
How darkness consumes my soul,
How could they know when I talk, think, and act as they do? this line is confusing
I remember the day everything all changed,
The time I spent alone, holding my sides.
There is no hiding in a house of a thousand boxes all compacting the same story.
Who would want me?
As we scream out, my voice is lost. Yet we all remain silent. i like this line, it gives me an impression of schizophrenia. if that's the case, then the other line works fine. so please disregard it.
We continue to scream, knowing it's useless.
We, are useless.
We full well know we cannot pierce through the sticky yellow years of self-obsessed ignorance caked throughout their ears.
Walking Dead.
They are dead to us, and to them,
We are shorelines crashing voiceless. Silence.
As the darkness reaping my heart leaves me, and enters the night sky,
It surrounds me. And though I am surrounded,
By sadness and chaos,
Pain and anger,
The huge conflict inside,
I have become a creature of the night.
All this darkness,
Now being the only reality I call peace.

i get the pain, but i think story could use more images and a more cohesive passage, (though i do realize that a head full of people could be hard to organise) it has a lot of potential, it just needs some sense of direction, or misdirection.

thanks for the read.
don't forget to leave feedback elsewhere please

[Keith]

When the sun rises where does it go?
Inside my heart, rushes back its safehaven,
Like a scarred child to their wavering mother's breast.
Yet they would never know,
How darkness consumes my soul,
How could they know when I talk, think, and act as they do?
I remember the day everything all changed, ..........................................................( This feels a bit clunky do you need the all or the everything?)
The time I spent alone, holding my sides.
There is no hiding in a house of a thousand boxes all compacting the same story.
Who would want me?
As we scream out, my voice is lost. Yet we all remain silent.
We continue to scream, knowing it's useless.
We, are useless.
We full well know we cannot pierce through the sticky yellow years of self-obsessed ignorance caked throughout their ears.
Walking Dead.
They are dead to us, and to them, .....................................(Is there an us missing here)
We are shorelines crashing voiceless. Silence.
As the darkness reaping my heart leaves me, and enters the night sky,
It surrounds me. And though I am surrounded,
By sadness and chaos,
Pain and anger,
The huge conflict inside,
I have become a creature of the night.
All this darkness,
Now being the only reality I call peace.


Lot of pain on show and I can click will alot of whats said and seen, It feels very much in the moment and your edit would help bring the cohesion Billy commented on
I enjoyed this very much

TOMH.