As the Day

[MrA]

Just noticed your comment; sorry Todd.
All good suggestions, especially cutting out words and lines. Thanks for the helpful feedback.

Hi MrA,

I didn't read the comments so forgive me if I cover areas already fully addressed.

I need to borrow her skin.--love the opening line
A priceless lend of youth's lesson:--This feels a bid awkward to me. I think you could cut this entirely. L1 can move directly into the equally strong L3
time cannot be cured,
nor should it, because heaven
is always a home
where God waits with taut skin.--great image

I'd be just another passing face;
the cold hand that once
chilled and burned her fleeting flesh.--I would just used burned here. It still gives you the contrast and feels stronger than the two words
A tourist scared of the dark,
but sometimes we need the dark to see
that the days are our executioner.--I love days are our executioner

I need to borrow her skin
to watch her age--you could probably cut the to
and be the day, killing,--might be stronger without killing you've already established day as an executioner
dying as the day.

Really solid start to finish. I like how you address the theme. Your phrasing is original. I hope the comments will be helpful.

Best,

Todd